5 Reasons Why Living In A Geodesic Dome Would Be Better Than Living In A Regular House
I've been obsessed with geodesic domes for a long, long time. Most of it has to do with my father's lifelong interest in architecture and Buckminster Fuller. When I was five or six, my parents took me to an open house inside of one, somewhere in the country. It was set into a hill, so part of the dome was obfuscated by this berm I remember running up and down. I've wanted to live in a geodesic dome ever since.
I gave Ainsley Drew, my lady friend and business partner, an assignment today. I wanted her to write five reasons why living in a dome would be better than living in a regular house. Twenty minutes later, this hit my inbox:
5 Reasons Why Living In A Geodesic Dome Would Be Better Than Living In A Regular House
By: Ainsley1. No asshole could ever say "raise the roof" to me without getting a seriously shaming smack-down. 2. Dinner parties. Not only would absolutely no one in their right mind refuse to come (Maynard James Keenan? Hel-lo, my dinner party is in a motherfucking geodesic dome! No way that he -- or Mr. Reznor, Mr. Rollins, or the entire band of Rush -- could possibly say they were "too busy" to make it) but the snotty way I hold my Diet Coke with my pinky out would be enhanced by the casually mumbled sentence, "Oh, yeah, well omnitriangulated living is just simply ahead of the curve." Lock-jaw laughter would ensue.3. Two words: roller rink. Okay, sure, you can put this in a "normal" house any day, but a 360 degree handrail? Much safer. 4. Chances are, I won't be living in Florida, so organizing my own Hepcot Center will be easy. Come and for a nominal fee of $85 you can come inside my geodesic dome and learn about hepatitis and your sexual issues. The public health aspect will allow me to write the ice cream stand off, and the nightly pyrotechnics show, where fireworks spell out ZAP THE CLAP, will easily be secured by government funding. 5A. My usual crazy would pale in comparison to the house I live in. Or, any insult could be retorted with, "Yeah, but I live in a dome. So fuck off."5B. Hot-boxing would be way easier. You know, if I was into that. 5C. I could talk about a guy named Buckminster and I'd have to watch as those who were listening tried not to chortle.5D. Is it windy out? I couldn't tell, 'cause my geodesic dome is fucking indestructible. 5E. Testicle.5E2. Blasting AC/DC would take on a whole new meaning.
By: Ainsley1. No asshole could ever say "raise the roof" to me without getting a seriously shaming smack-down. 2. Dinner parties. Not only would absolutely no one in their right mind refuse to come (Maynard James Keenan? Hel-lo, my dinner party is in a motherfucking geodesic dome! No way that he -- or Mr. Reznor, Mr. Rollins, or the entire band of Rush -- could possibly say they were "too busy" to make it) but the snotty way I hold my Diet Coke with my pinky out would be enhanced by the casually mumbled sentence, "Oh, yeah, well omnitriangulated living is just simply ahead of the curve." Lock-jaw laughter would ensue.3. Two words: roller rink. Okay, sure, you can put this in a "normal" house any day, but a 360 degree handrail? Much safer. 4. Chances are, I won't be living in Florida, so organizing my own Hepcot Center will be easy. Come and for a nominal fee of $85 you can come inside my geodesic dome and learn about hepatitis and your sexual issues. The public health aspect will allow me to write the ice cream stand off, and the nightly pyrotechnics show, where fireworks spell out ZAP THE CLAP, will easily be secured by government funding. 5A. My usual crazy would pale in comparison to the house I live in. Or, any insult could be retorted with, "Yeah, but I live in a dome. So fuck off."5B. Hot-boxing would be way easier. You know, if I was into that. 5C. I could talk about a guy named Buckminster and I'd have to watch as those who were listening tried not to chortle.5D. Is it windy out? I couldn't tell, 'cause my geodesic dome is fucking indestructible. 5E. Testicle.5E2. Blasting AC/DC would take on a whole new meaning.
